Love, Luv, Lurv

Recently I saw a post on a friends facebook page. The question was, What is your biggest accomplishment in life thus far? As I was reading through all the responses I decided to have a long think before I posted mine. The responses were pretty standard stuff. My kids, purchasing my first house, My spouse etc. Don’t get me wrong, these are fine responses and all excellent accomplishments to be proud of. I mean, to me kids are the other white meat, I couldn’t buy a stick of gum on credit and the last time I went on a real date was probably shortly after fire was invented. I can’t claim anything like what all of these amazing people have. Then I came across someone familiar. The response was… Embracing joy as a way of life, and turning my back on sorrow. And it struck me, for the last 6 months I have been struggling to decide what is important to me and why I am here. You know, the questions that everyone asks themselves. The answer has been in front of me for quite awhile and I, as usual have not really noticed.

In 34 years I have been engaged, had lots of money, had no money, been hurt, been lost, been happy, collected lots of stuff, had friends, lost friends, been places, seen things and have probably gotten a chance to experience more than most people do in their entire life and I expect that I will continue to experience both good and bad things for a long time more. I have made huge mistakes, been able to fix some of them and had to accept that consequences of others. I know that not all people are good and that some people are not bad but don’t understand how their actions affect others. As a result I end up getting hurt frequently and thinking that maybe trust is not all that great a concept after all. So, what is my greatest accomplishment? I have learned that to love with my whole heart is the only way.

I can already hear half of my readers screaming at me from the other side like they are watching me walk up the stairs of an empty house in a horror movie “Don’t do it!” And instinctively I would agree with them. That kind of blatant disregard for my emotional well being is bound to get me into trouble and it already has, many times. But think of it mathematically if you will. I could be safe and close up my heart and not let anyone in. This would most definitely keep me safe. But would I be truly happy and have the chance for real and honest relationships with other people? I could make people prove that they are worth it. This is a good middle ground, still the option for good relationships and the filter to keep the hurtful things out. But, as many of you know about me already I tend to not play things safe. My answer to people is this, I am not good at math. For people to trust and love you they need a safe place to do so and how they behave once they are there is their responsibility.

Give people the chance to treat you well and you will find a well of goodness in people that you may not have expected. Does this take patience and understanding? Yes. I suck a lot at both of these things. Apparently I enjoy challenging myself because I have a habit of trying things that I am bad at and then getting my proverbial ass kicked. But here I go, trodding through life hoping that maybe if I don’t screw up quite as much that there will still be people at the other end who speak to me.

I love with my whole heart. I do not require any kind of payment in return except for one request of you, my friends. Please be nice to my heart. It has been through a lot.