Friday, November 26, 2010

Baggage

I work on a construction site which means that I end up with a lot of weird stuff in my pockets at the end of the day. Gaskets, pieces of drywall and anything the vacuum cleaner won’t pick up. Most noticeably I have lots of screws. Stud screws, drywall screws, small screws, large screws. They seem to be what holds the universe together. Screws and duct tape. I have a whole bowl of the things in my apartment and today when I was cleaning I wondered why. I suppose that I think to myself that either I will return them the site, which is not really feasible or that I will use them for something. Perhaps it’s my Austrian heritage that makes me want to keep things. My Oma used to keep nylons every time they got a run in them. When she died and we were cleaning out her things I swear we found enough nylons to outfit the entire country.

I am not an incapable person but I am also not the person you call when you need to build a wall or hang cabinets. So, why do I assume that this bowl of screws would come in handy for anything?

Why do we hold onto things that can never do us any good? Clothes that will never be in style again, receipts for a vacuum cleaner that we no longer own and check copies from the late eighties. Eventually we end up with so much baggage that it seems impossible to get rid of it or move through it.

Then one day something switches, like it did in my head a few weeks ago. I started pulling things off shelves, throwing things away and putting things in boxes to give away. I felt light. I posted my stuff for people to dig through, perhaps they have a better use for it then I do. I felt lighter. I watched everyone take my useless stuff, stuff that bogged me down and use it in a better way. I felt content.

We all carry baggage. Stuff that we thought might be useful one day. Walls, barriers, road blocks. We make people try and get around them. And sometimes those people don’t make it. Every once in a while though something amazing happens. There is a person who manages to get around the barrier and they find all that baggage. But instead of throwing it away they take it away with them and turn it into something useful and make it work a better way. And then something switches. We start throwing away all of that stuff that wasn’t doing us any good. And we feel lighter.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Gotta Dance,Gotta Dance

My Mum told me a story once about my Grandma that I want to tell. When my Grandma was in her twenties she used to love to dance. She would sell eggs from the chickens on the farm and had enough money to either buy a coke, which was pretty big then, or to go dancing. She usually picked dancing. Her mother would make dresses that matched her boyfriend’s military uniforms and they would go and dance. The story is that they were so good that people would clear the floor for them.

About a year ago I was dancing with one of my good friends and one of my favorite dance partners and the same thing happened. We looked up and the floor was empty. I tell this story not to stroke my ego but to say that in that moment I wished very much that my Grandma hadn’t passed away when I was twelve so that I could call her and share that with her. I tell it because dancing still makes me happy. So much that I hadn’t even noticed the people, just the person that I was dancing with.

The universe throws all kinds of curve balls at you. Sometimes all you can do is stand in the room and hope that they don’t hit you in the head as the whiz by. On occasion though, someone stands in a room and helps you catch them. The things that matter turn out to be small and seemingly insignificant but on a day when you need them more than anything they are like a rare currency.

They are these things…

Being someone’s role model, doing well at your job, having a friend who will look at your car… again, delicious food made by someone who listens, someone warm after a cold day, someone who tells you how beautiful you look, dancing with your favorite people until you want to collapse and having a best friend who will hold you and make the world go away for just awhile.

When the good things in a day outweigh the bad despite your effort to be unhappy and angry you can be truly happy and grateful.  

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Operation Garden Market

In 1944 the allies in WWII decided to launch what was then the largest airborne operation ever. If you are a war buff and want to know all the nifty details you can try out this link. For the rest of us the gist is this. The allies decide to take over a bunch of bridges across Germany which would open up a path for the armies to use crossing through the country. What ended up happening when bridges were destroyed was the troops getting trapped on the other side and having to evacuate eventually abandoning the mission. I realize this is a grosse generalization and I apologize to all those history geeks out there who are having a fit. I use this story as an example.
Recently I have been informed that I am pretty profound so let me try my hand again and put this out there for a thought. Recently I have spoken to a friend about a great many items. Trust, pain, strength, failure and success. I submit that none of these act independently of each other. I will use myself as an example. I am the allied forces. I reach to far, don’t plan very well and eventually have to be evacuated by a back up squadron. Then again, there are people who spend their whole lives living very quiet and probably fairly happy lives. Who do you think has it better? On the one hand the allied forces (that would be me) suffer from pain and failure ending up sort of broken and worn. But my victories are enormous and joyous. They are the things of dreams. Not always big things but the kinds of things that make you lucky to be a participant in yours and other people’s lives. Could we play it safe? Yes. Would it be very interesting? No.
I fear that the eventual conclusion to this whole conversation would be balance. Well crap. I am bad at balance. And I sure can’t rely on my stunning good looks and money to help me. Where does that leave us?
Recently a friend reminded me how important it is to trust people despite their consistent reminder that they probably don’t deserve it. Here is the quote that she used…

Trust:

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will
certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of
keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an
animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid
all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your
selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it
will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable,
impenetrable, irredeemable. (The Four Loves - C.S. Lewis)

I don’t think that I need to override the incomparable Mr. Lewis but you get the idea. You can, not trust and never be hurt or take the chance, maybe get hurt and have a shot at something great.

Which leads us to pain.

Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever. (Lance Armstrong)

I won’t lie to you. I am in a place right now where I am pretty sure that Mr. Armstrong is full of… well, you know. But I can’t finish this thought without acknowledging that he is probably correct. Eventually the pain stops, it teaches us something and we move to the next step.

Strength

I feel like I can’t mention strength without failure but I am going to try and make this clear. Strength is the ability to not only be the strong person and lift others up but to admit when you need someone else to lift you up. I recently took a trip to China with an amazing friend. Buddhism is the prominent religion there and has very little in the way of the kind of structure that western culture is used to. It is a very tranquil thing.


In separateness lies the world's great misery, in compassion lies the world's true strength. (the Buddha)

 

Again, far be it from me to interpret greater men than myself but, did he just say that we can’t do it alone and that we need to care for each other to be strong?

 

Moving right along to support

 

"Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh?" he whispered. 
"Yes, Piglet?" 
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's hand. "I just wanted to be sure of you." 
 A.A. Milne (Winnie-the-Pooh)

 

Is it as simple as that? My friend Jess (the person who inspired me to write this) said recently to several people…

“Thanks for being there for me every moment and not being jackasses.”

I guess that sometimes it is as simple as just being able to be sure of each other.

 

 

I would love to skip failure and go right to success but we all know that is not how real life works and much as I would like to quit real life and just go on permanent vacation to Barbados that is also not how it works.
I would like to have some profound quote for this as well but here is what all of those philosophers, writers and your shrink are going to tell you. You are a not a failure for failing at one thing. You are a failure when you don’t try. You are a failure when you just give up. You are a failure when you don’t see a bigger picture. In 1992 Donald Trump filed for bankruptcy and he made it through, toupee and all.
Success
I told you that I would get here. You didn’t believe me? Remember we talked about trust earlier, I promised that I would get you here and here we are. Unfortunately I have the same answer for you that I have for a lot of questions people ask me. If I knew the answer I would be rich and have a book deal. As it turns out all I have is this blog. Would you be really mad right now if I told you that you have to define success on your own? Oh come on I’m not that terrible. I mean you took the time to read through this whole boring thing and I haven’t even told you what happened to the allies yet.
As it turns out the allies actually lost Operation Market Garden. Bummer. But they did end up winning the war as a whole in so much as you can “win” a war. The point is this. They took the chance and jumped out there. Sometimes we may feel like we are trapped behind enemy lines with no bridge and the backup squadron is off at the bar doing shots and singing a bad version of Love Shack on the karaoke machine. But keep in mind that small victories are important. Having a friend to talk to, a cupcake on a bad day and just being held by someone in their space for five minutes all count as victories.

Hey, I don't have all the answers, in life, to be honest, I've failed as much as I've succeeded, but I love my wife, I love my life, and I wish you my kind of success. (Dicky Fox in Jerry Maguire)

What? Me? The allied forces of Fargo?
I get up every morning and do the best I can. I screw it up. I go to bed and try to do better the next day. I keep moving forward.
Rinse. Lather. Repeat.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Are you Wally Pipp or Lou Gehrig?

The other day I was talking to a friend who told me this story. On June 2nd, 1925 after 10 years with the New York Yankees first baseman, Wally Pipp was benched and the starting lineup altered. His replacement was a little known baseball player from Columbia University. Lou Gehrig went on to play 2,130 consecutive games for the Yankees and is considered by most to be the best baseball player of all time. That moment in time was one of extraordinary change for everyone involved especially Gehrig. A unknown, hometown boy from New York City who just wanted to play baseball that no one would have ever know about if not for one small change one day in June.
                After he told me the story he turned to me and said, “Are you Wally Pipp or Lou Gehrig?”
“I don’t know.” I answered. “You’re both.” He replied.
                I am on the cusp of change most of the time in my life. I don’t do well with things that stay the same and don’t move forward. How many moments like that happen every day? How many times do we say and do things that alter someone’s perception of life? I had someone tell me once that I was a catalyst for change, that just by my presence in a room people were motivated to change their perceptions. I think in a way we are all catalysts in different ways. The fact that we are aware of this is a different idea all together. But we are afraid of change, afraid of what is around the corner that we can’t control or don’t know about.
                To be afraid of change is to be afraid of life and to close yourself off from all the things that it might bring to you. Do not be afraid, go out into the world and see what it has to offer.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

5 Things

There has been much talk lately about why I don’t currently don’t date. First of all, it’s not that I won’t date it’s just that I am not out trying to find myself a husband, have five fat babies and settle down in the mid west. I have my own stuff going on and am extremely busy. I also promised myself that I wouldn’t be unhappy again because of the way that I allow people to treat me. Don’t get me wrong, if you want to come over and keep the apartment clean and cook for me by all means do that. But I don’t feel like dating is something that is functional to my lifestyle anymore.
Recently on a car trip from Minneapolis I had a conversation with a friend about what people value in the person that they are looking for. How do we choose these things, what is important and what is not important become more complicated when you really start thinking about it. She told me to make a list. A list of 5 things. 5 things that you would be hesitant to give up in the other person. I made a list of 5 things. Since I have a habit of making very poor decisions I also have an A. and B. sub point on my list.
A.     
      A. Violent- Yep, this has been an issue for me in the past so I felt it was a good idea to remind myself.
B.     
      B. Available- Due to the whole “not dating” thing it is easy to find people who are conveniently unavailable so this is a requirement.

1.  1. Attentive to my needs- Sounds kind of girlie and needy right? But this is my damn list and I want someone to take care of me when I am sick and be nice to me when I am having a bad day.
2.     
      2.  Flexible- To say that I am random and unpredictable would be an understatement. I am not saying that I am the most important person in the world but the freedom to do the things that I need to do is important.
3.     
      3. Enjoys Culture and Arts- It would be nice to talk to someone who knows what an opera is and wouldn't actually mind going to see one on occasion. And someone who is fun enough to try all kinds of new things. Music, art, travel and anything else.
4.     
      4. Intelligent- Okay, I’m not looking for a rocket scientist but if you know where to Middle East is and that there is some thing with some guy happening there that would be great. Can you string more than five words together and form a thought of your own? Even better!
5.      
     5. Witty and Interesting- This is huge. I am easily bored and distracted. I wish that I didn’t require constant mental stimulation but there it is. Please don’t be boring and dull.

Now that I have made it clear to everyone that I am obviously very unreasonable and picky I can move onto the next thing that we talked about on this trip. Keep in mind that the trip from Minneapolis is three hours long. What started as a joke of sorts actually turned into a partially functional idea. A dating resume. It would have all the things that a job resume has on it. Past relationships, length of last relationship, reason for leaving, references, special skills. And you could have it typed up and hand it out. Then if people wanted to they could check your references and call you for an interview.
All of this sounds very sterile and cold I’m sure. But here is the problem. People get into situations that make them unhappy because they don’t think about the logical side and are so programmed to make someone else happy that they forget about the balance and themselves. I haven’t given up hope. There are lots of really good guys out there, I know because several of my friends have found them or are them. They are just not “my” guy. I have just gained the patience to let it come to me and happen on its own whenever that may be. In the words of Michael Buble, I just haven’t met you yet.