Thursday, March 22, 2012

Drop The Ball and Pick It Up

Leave it to me to drop the ball two days in a row but in all fairness I did get a bunch of stuff done in those two days which made me feel better about life. It looks like I may be starting work next week instead of the week after and that has accelerated the time frame of clean laundry and dishes.
For those of you not familiar with depression and how it works you may be interested to know that it is incredibly unpredictable. Some days you feel awesome and some days not so much but the idea of moving forward may be tough to swallow. It is always easier to just throw ones hands up in the air and say bugger it all. I have been reminded by two people in the past few days how important it is to move forward even if you only go a few inches.
One of these persons has already decided that he does not want to be happy. He makes all those around him miserable and as a result nobody who knows him wants to be there. We all want to help but what can you do for someone who is not even interested in looking inside himself and seeing what is there.
The other is a fellow for whom I have the highest respect. He is open and smart. I love that he has emotions and frustrations like the rest of us and that he can say "I give up". But then can ask for advice and work at understanding and say that he is going to get up and try it out again from a new angle. He reminds me to start fresh and see what the world has for me.
Three things that am grateful for today...

1. The chance to work on trip planning again. So far National Parks are getting my huge thumbs up.
2. Not having to go anywhere.
3. Having new face wash and moisturizer dropped off for me. Yay for being clean!
4. Snuggle time with the dog in the morning.
5. Having normal dreams. Well... normal for me ;)
6. Arlo Guthrie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4Y4RlkblNM

I know, that's six things. But I missed a few days in there so I am compensating. And moving forward.

Monday, March 19, 2012

They Are In the Ignition

As I was talking to a friend today she asked me what made me stay in my abusive relationships. For those of you unfamiliar with my background on this, I have a habit of choosing boyfriends very unwisely. The abuse varied from mental, emotional, sexual and physical abuse. These happened quite awhile ago and I am more than happy to talk with people and share my experiences so that they are more educated about how to prevent and stop it when it happens.
I could spew all kinds of psychological garbage about my family and how I grew up and all of that. And in a way that is always true since those things influence us in a huge way but as I spent the day pondering our chat I thought to myself, could it be that my stubborn nature is the biggest factor. That thought that I have put all this time and effort into something and I won’t have it fail now. I shake my tiny virtual fist in the air and hope the universe hears me.
It is the same thing that prevents me from posting in the blog when the writing isn’t “perfect” or from cleaning if I can’t get it “all” done. Sometimes we have to take what we can get and do what we can and hope the universe actually responds to that. So every day I try and clean one thing and be happy with what I did accomplish.  
I was explaining this project of mine to another friend today and he said “I hope that you don’t run out of things to be grateful for but I don’t think you will.” So far I agree completely. I am happily finding all kinds of things to be grateful for in my world.

Three things that I am grateful for today…

1. Perkins. Sounds odd I know. But today was a busy and stressful day and neither of us wanted to cook. Our waitress was super nice and we had a quiet stress free meal. I am glad there is some place in the area that serves food after 8pm.
2. AAA. Man those folks are awesome. I never have a bad phone call with them or have anyone angry or rude talk to me. The guy came and unlocked my  car fast and politely and I was on my way. That $70 is a good investment every year.
3. Funny neighbors. We rode up the elevator with our next store neighbor and he overheard us talking about something. He giggled a bit and smiled and when I smiled back he said “Yeah, I know lots of people like that.” We were talking about unhappy people who want to be miserable. I am happy that we are not like that.

Piano

I was so tired last night that I forgot to post so I hope this is alright. While at the parade on Saturday my father and brother somehow convinced my other half that it was a good idea to come over on Sunday and help them move a piano. Quick back story… My father lives in a ginormous Victorian house in the country which needs to have the hardwood refinished. The piano actually belongs to my mother and has been living with my dad for a long time. So the timing seems to work perfectly. The idea was to move the piano directly into the pickup truck and out my mom’s but the brake line broke and needs to be fixed before said piano can be loaded. So, into the garage goes the piano. My dad does not lift things after he slipped a disc a few years back but does like to be involved in the processes. Every time we do something like this as a family I feel like I am watching my life being narrated by Jene Sheperd. I don’t know if you have ever moved a piano before but they are very large and not exactly weighted to be moveable. The process actually went better than any of us expected although I never thought that I would hear myself say to my father “get your head out from under the damn piano!” while it was on a ramp. Things I am grateful for today…

1. Time with my family. Even if sometimes families can drive you crazy they still get things about you that no one else does.
2. Test driving trucks with the boyfriend. This is his first vehicle that he will own. Kind of cool to relive that experience.
3. How awesome and well behaved my dog is. While my niece is the coolest person that I know I can imagine that for an eleven year old dog it can be a lot of action hanging out with a four year old for two days in a row. Bella takes everything that happens in stride.

I told my mom that one day I would write a book about our family. She asked me change the names or let her know so that she could move and change hers. 

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Parade!

I don’t know anyone who doesn’t like parades. If you don’t like parades don’t tell me because that would be sad. I find them a bit odd sometimes with their collection of cars (which aren’t floats), advertisements for things like handbags and contractors and the strange way that people can’t seem to keep the same amount of distance between them and the people in front of them as if it is some kind of complicated quadratic equation. But otherwise they seem like a fun time all the way around.
Three things that am I grateful for today…

1. Watching a parade with my family in the gorgeous weather complete with a 5K before it and the chance to cheer for Oma and Mommy with my niece.
2. Hanging out with my awesome niece and dog for some extra time.
3. A quiet and lovely dinner at an amazing restaurant with my favorite person.

I am exhausted, the dog is exhausted, the boyfriend is exhausted which I believe equals a successful day here.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Makes Us Stronger

Some people believe that things happen for a reason, some believe in fate, some in complete randomness. The truth is that no matter what you believe life is going to keep happening no matter what the reason. It isn’t the things themselves that are significant but rather our reactions to them. How we can look back later and learn from how we have interacted with these events. Three things that I am grateful for today…

1.       1. A conversation with a friend who is far away. He is on his own personal adventure but talking to him re-inspired me towards mine. It also felt so good to see a familiar face and hear a familiar voice of someone who I enjoy so much.
2.       2. A conversation with someone who I don’t talk to enough and who I should talk to more. Mostly because we have so much in common while being such different people. It is refreshing to have someone understand, respect and still give a fresh perspective.
3.       3. Helping a friend clean before he moves. While I am sad he is moving away I feel so proud to know people who are successful and happy with their lives. It felt good to help someone who in the past has helped me and been there for me.

Clearly we are all on our own paths and working on our own lives. We can’t control what others do and how they act. We can only control how we react. Who are you going to effect today? What positive event will you add to the world. You may be surprised to know that someone seeing your smile over a webcam could be that thing. 

Friday, March 16, 2012

Through a New Lens

Earlier today I promised to write every day and to find three things every day to be thankful for. This will be my first post and although it may be brief I am going to post it none the less.

1. My derby family. Especially Messi Jigler for getting me involved (even though I am not sure she knew what we were all in for lol). You all contribute to my world in a way I never thought possible.
2.The weather FINALLY getting better.
3. For a new job which will allow me to save money for things I love to do.

Facebook can be an odd thing. I believe that sometimes people let it control them instead of the other way around. Today though, it helped me to find a place to find discount glasses, connect with a friend who is moving and showed me the support that I get from people who are far away from hugging range. The next year is bringing lots of change for me and I hope that you will all be a part of the adventure ahead. Lets roll!