I have given this much thought

Dear friends

The last year has been an eventful one and the last several months in particular have been among the most stressful in my life. Some of you are aware of these things and some aren’t . In the end they are really not that important as events in themselves but become more important now as I examine the way that I deal with them. Let me start by saying that this is in NO WAY aimed at one person or group of people but simply a way of sorting out my thoughts.

To those of you who have been a party to the last year’s events that have been so supportive and understanding it means more to me than I can express. Please believe and I think about those kindnesses small and large all the time. I could never expect anyone to fix or change anything that happens in my life but the input of people’s experiences is always appreciated.

The time has come for me to take some extra time for myself and decide what direction I want to take from here on in. I have recently been given several ideas, offers and opportunities that have made me take stock of my future. I am grateful to have so many choices in front of me but it does mean that I will need to make time for me and my happiness for awhile.

First, please feel free to call, text or email. I would love to get together for lunch, drinks or just to catch up with anyone but I won’t be getting a hold of people on my own too much for at least a few months. Get a hold of me and I will make the time to enjoy anyone!

Second, I am still available if anyone needs an ear or a friend. That will never change, but as above please get a hold of me if you do need anything.

I apologize for any hurt feelings that may happen as a result of this but I really do need some Me time to decide what to do next. All I ask is that my friends support and love me during this process. Many thanks to all.

Heroes

     I belong to a men’s roller derby league. No, really. I don’t skate by any means, I announce. When I got involved in derby I had no idea it would have the consuming effect that it has had. You kind of get sucked into this black hole and really don’t want to find your way out again. My roller derby league is unique though.

     First let me explain to the readers who are not familiar with derby. Roller derby is to many people a woman’s sport. The fact that men play at all bothers a lot of people. Roller derby is not a paid sport. Nobody involved gets paid. Players, announcers, volunteers… Nobody. This means that, to my mind you have to really love it to commit the time, energy and money into the activity. You have the basic idea of what is involved in derby.

     A few weeks ago one of our members’ sons turned 7 years old. I don’t personally remember ever being 7 - that was a long time ago. But I do remember that the things that happen when you are seven are kind of big, no matter what they are. He informed his parents, both of whom are involved in the league, that all he wanted for his birthday was to skate with the guys that he sees play roller derby. I very much suspect that this is the same as me asking to play with the Minnesota Twins and then go out to dinner with Justin Moneau afterwards. Nice thought but not very practical for all intents and purposes. That is, unless you happen to know the group of people that I do. Be forewarned that I may begin to gush from this point onward.

     The party was booked and invitations sent out. Special requests were made. He wanted to skate with his favorite player and wouldn’t it be cool if everyone came in uniform etc. By no means could you expect 30 people to show up to a party but the hope was that we would have at least some people. Here is what happened…

     I arrived at the venue to a crowd of skates and jerseys. The guys were skating and laughing, the kids were at least laughing if not doing what one would define as skating exactly. Not to worry about me bad mouthing the kid’s skills because when I skate I look more ridiculous and yes, I did strap on a pair of skates for the benefit (or detriment) of my 7 year old friend. After about an hour I decided to give up the skating idea and go back to what it is that I do on the league. As I picked up the announcer’s microphone, the gentlemen of the league then did one of the coolest things that I have ever seen a group of people do. They skated a “bout”. Two jams for the birthday. The first jam was started and stopped with the birthday boy himself blowing the whistle, and then, even better, the second jam to his infinite delight included himself as one of the jammers. The other jammer? His favorite player. The whistle blew and for the next two minutes he was on cloud 9, weaving and faking his way through the pack while his opponents contrived to fall, tumble, and push him through so that in the end he scored 3 grand slams. As the audience cheered I announced that when roller derby finally went pro it was clear who the first draft pick was going to be. They high fived him and for five minutes he knew what is was like to be a part of a team. He grinned so hard that I feared his face may be frozen in that pose.

     

     There are a few things that make this whole day amazing. The guys seemed genuinely happy to be there and to do all the things asked of them. And, when I later announced to the group at the board meeting that I thought they were an extraordinary group of men they seemed honestly surprised. It just didn’t occur to any of them that what they had done was anything but ordinary. But, I have never had dinner with Justin Morneau and like I said, when you are seven, stuff is a big deal.

     Heroes are not only men in capes, sports stars that get paid copious sums of money, or scantily dressed rockers. They are the people who, with no thought or effort, make the world better for others. They make a kid’s 7^th birthday the best he will ever have.

     They show all of us what a team really is. 

Love, Luv, Lurv

Recently I saw a post on a friends facebook page. The question was, What is your biggest accomplishment in life thus far? As I was reading through all the responses I decided to have a long think before I posted mine. The responses were pretty standard stuff. My kids, purchasing my first house, My spouse etc. Don’t get me wrong, these are fine responses and all excellent accomplishments to be proud of. I mean, to me kids are the other white meat, I couldn’t buy a stick of gum on credit and the last time I went on a real date was probably shortly after fire was invented. I can’t claim anything like what all of these amazing people have. Then I came across someone familiar. The response was… Embracing joy as a way of life, and turning my back on sorrow. And it struck me, for the last 6 months I have been struggling to decide what is important to me and why I am here. You know, the questions that everyone asks themselves. The answer has been in front of me for quite awhile and I, as usual have not really noticed.

In 34 years I have been engaged, had lots of money, had no money, been hurt, been lost, been happy, collected lots of stuff, had friends, lost friends, been places, seen things and have probably gotten a chance to experience more than most people do in their entire life and I expect that I will continue to experience both good and bad things for a long time more. I have made huge mistakes, been able to fix some of them and had to accept that consequences of others. I know that not all people are good and that some people are not bad but don’t understand how their actions affect others. As a result I end up getting hurt frequently and thinking that maybe trust is not all that great a concept after all. So, what is my greatest accomplishment? I have learned that to love with my whole heart is the only way.

I can already hear half of my readers screaming at me from the other side like they are watching me walk up the stairs of an empty house in a horror movie “Don’t do it!” And instinctively I would agree with them. That kind of blatant disregard for my emotional well being is bound to get me into trouble and it already has, many times. But think of it mathematically if you will. I could be safe and close up my heart and not let anyone in. This would most definitely keep me safe. But would I be truly happy and have the chance for real and honest relationships with other people? I could make people prove that they are worth it. This is a good middle ground, still the option for good relationships and the filter to keep the hurtful things out. But, as many of you know about me already I tend to not play things safe. My answer to people is this, I am not good at math. For people to trust and love you they need a safe place to do so and how they behave once they are there is their responsibility.

Give people the chance to treat you well and you will find a well of goodness in people that you may not have expected. Does this take patience and understanding? Yes. I suck a lot at both of these things. Apparently I enjoy challenging myself because I have a habit of trying things that I am bad at and then getting my proverbial ass kicked. But here I go, trodding through life hoping that maybe if I don’t screw up quite as much that there will still be people at the other end who speak to me.

I love with my whole heart. I do not require any kind of payment in return except for one request of you, my friends. Please be nice to my heart. It has been through a lot.

Right Tighty, Lefty Loosy

I remember the moment I learned how to ride a bicycle. I didn’t have training wheels, I had a hill. Anyone who knows basic physics can put that together. If you started at the top and rode down, the momentum would keep you rolling and in balance. I thought that was a fabulous idea and I rode like that for weeks. My brother, on the other hand, was not quite so impressed when, years later, I tried to teach him to ride the same way. (And he still blames me for not riding a bike.) But the technique worked for me and, as long as I didn’t actually need to go anywhere, I would have been fine indefinitely. But bicycles are modes of transportation, vehicles, and (if you are under the age of sixteen) a way of life. So one day, at the bottom of the hill I put my right foot on the pedal, pushed down with the entire weight of my body, and in one fluid motion the bike started to move. I marvel to think on it now. It’s fascinating that a person’s brain can so accurately calculate the correct speed and balance with their specific center of gravity to keep a two wheeled, un-motorized machine moving.

I rode my bike everywhere. I spent hours imagining it as a race car, a prized jumping stallion, a motorcycle. I rode to my best friend’s house so that we could go to the park and library. At night I parked it in the garage to keep it out of the rain. When, at the age of ten, we moved out of our small Canadian town and into rural Minnesota I was once again reminded that if you can’t catch a city bus you have to find alternate transportation. New bike, new friends and new memories.  Including heartlessly hurling my brother down the only hill in town.

I have always owned a bike and it appears that they have been a part of my past. The story could end there but for one thing.

I started work in a bike shop a little while ago, and was asked one day very casually by a co-worker what significance bikes had in my life. To my surprise, the question really stopped me in my tracks. When I took this job I had been completely ready to wait on customers, tackle the computer system, learn bike repair … but I hadn’t been prepared to answer a philosophical question about bicycling. I spent all day thinking about it. I looked at bikes, rode bikes, talked to people about bikes. Fast forward to the part of the day that I am standing in the shop with a puzzled look on my face, covered in grease as I try ineptly to reassemble the gears on a wheel hub when I hear what I have been told is the bike repair creed… Right tighty, lefty loosy. Seems like a simple concept but then at first glance a bike seems like a simple machine. To ride a bike you need to be intelligent, coordinated and fit. Most of the people on the planet know how to ride a bike. In China there a significantly more bikes than cars. And just like anything else you can easily find the bike equivalent of a Porsche or Metro.

To say that a bike is only a mode of transportation is to say that Aris Allens are only shoes or the Gruyere is only a cheese. Isn’t it the simplest things that usually work the best and bring us the most joy? Be nice to people, smile at everyone, share. So, here is my answer… I own a classic, baby blue Schwinn tandem bike. It has those great big seats with the huge springs under them and since you have to put the bigger person on the front sometimes I can get away with lifting me feet of the pedals and seeing if the guy  in front notices. The great thing about a tandem is that it requires two people and everyone always seem to smile and wave at you when you ride one.

 That doesn’t usually happen when I climb into my Oldsmobile.